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This page is a transcript for Bionic Action Hero. Please add to the contents of this page, but only sentences and parts that pertain to the episode Bionic Action Hero.

This is a transcript of the episode Bionic Action Hero. It's still under construction.


(Douglas walks in, holding his cellphone)

Douglas: Guess who I just got off the phone with? (points at his cellphone) Giselle Vickers.

Bree: The big Hollywood filmmaker?

Leo: She is legendary! She made all the killer zombie trucker movies. Because of her, I can't be at a truck stop.

Douglas: That's right. And get this. Her next blockbuster is going to be called Bionic Action Hero.

Adam: Awesome! What's it about?

Douglas: A Bionic Action Hero.

Adam: Huh. Save your money sounds like a flop.

Chase: Woah Woah Woah! The same person who makes those lame zombie movies are going to make our movie? (Scoffs) No way!

Leo: (Angrily) Must you ruin everything?!

Douglas: Relax, Chase. Giselle's an old college friend. We spent a lot of time in the robotics lab together before she switched careers. We even dated a bit.

Bree: What happened?

Douglas: Sometimes people grow apart.

Bree: She dumped you didn't she?

Douglas: Worst day of my life! And I've been to prison 4 times! Anyways, she wants the film to portray bionics accurately, so she's coming over here to research with the actor that's playing you guys.

Chase: I think you mean actors.

Douglas: No. In the film there aren't 3 bionic superhumans. To simplify it there's just one with all your abilities.

Bree: So who's the actor?

Adam: Oh, I bet it's Dami Judi Dench.(imitates her with a bad British accent) Look at me, I'm bionic!

Douglas: No, it's some new up-and-comer Troy West. 

Chase: Oh, so they're just gonna throw some rookie in the leading role? I don't ant any part in this.

Bree: You know, I hate to say it, but I agree with Chase. You only have one chance to have your live turned into a movie. It should be done right.

Leo: Exactly. So who's playing me? Denzal, Will Smith? Oh who am I kidding? Those guys can't bring the Dooley.

Douglas: Sorry Leo. There is no character based on you.

Leo: What?

Douglas: It's called Bionic Action Hero, not kind of Bionic sort of Action Hero.

Adam: Look, if they want someone to play Bionic Action Hero, Why don't they use me? I'm an actor. I starred in a school play.

Bree: You had one line. And you forgot it.

Adam: Just because it's in the script doesn't mean you have to say it. Plus i can do my own stunts. The guy who played Superman can't stop a real locomotive, but I can.

Chase: Oh, yeah? Well, the hydra loop is closing. I bet you can't stop that.

(Hydra loop closes and Adam runs and closes it with his arm)

Adam: Hah! I did it.

Chase: Uh- uh. You stopped the doors, but you didn't stop the hydra loop. (pushes button)

Adam: (Screams) Did it stop?

(theme song plays)

(Next Scene. Douglas walks in)

Douglas: Is everybody ready? Troy and Giselle will be here any minute.

Bree: You seem kind of nervous. If i didn't know any better, I'd think you you were trying to get your old girlfriend back.

Douglas: That's ridiculous. How's my hair? Too spiky, not enough spike? Just the right amount of spike?

Bree: Never mind the spike. what are you going to do about the grays?

Douglas: Grays?!

(Hydra loop opens. Troy and Giselle walk out.)

Troy: Whoa. look at this place.

Douglas: Hey, Troy. Welcome to the Bionic Academy.

Troy: Thanks I'm really happy--

(Douglas walks towards Giselle)

Douglas: Giselle.

Giselle: (Giselle shakes Douglas' hand) Douglas nice to see you. Still rockin' the same old spikes, huh?

Douglas: I can change. What do you like? Side part, middle part, mullet?

Giselle: Hi I'm Giselle. So honored to be telling your story. And this is Troy West, the actor who will be playing you in the movie.

Bree: (Waves in a flirty tone) Hi.

Troy: What's up guys? It's really nice to meet you.

Adam: Ah, I get it now. You got my body, Bree's hair, but I'm not seeing the Chase. He's perfect.

Chase: Oh, come on. You seriously buy that this guy's bionic? I mean, compared to me--

Adam: Dude, you really don't wanna go there.

Troy: Hey, thanks for letting us come here to do our research. I can't believe I'm actually standing here with three bionic heroes.

Bree: I'm not seeing anyone. Uh... that's not normally what I lead with, but I'm not seeing anyone.

Giselle: We won't get in your way. I'm just here to check out the academy so I can make the movie as real as possible.

Troy: And I'm just here to learn about your bionics so my performance will feel authentic.

Adam: Ah, totally get where you're coming from, Troy. I'm a big-time actor myself.

Troy: Really? Movies?

Adam: Uh, school plays. But, I did see a mom filming it on her phone, so it's only a matter of time before it hits theaters.

Troy: ...I see... So what did you feel was the key to your character's inner life?

Adam: Oh, I got to wear a cowboy hat, and ride a wooden pony.

Chase: And that's all you need to know about Adam.

Leo: Why, hello. You must be Giselle. I'm Leo, the fourth and most important member of the team.

Giselle: Of course, I know all about you Leo.

Leo: Then you also know that my fascinating life would make a fantastic sequel. Or we can just forget about the little cocktail weenies, and focus on the main course. Me.

Douglas: Why... don't you guys go show Troy some bionic moves? That'll give Giselle a chance to walk around this place, and remember how adorable I am.

Giselle: Heh... we are going to be walking for a very long time.


Adam: So you really think you have what it takes to be a bionic superhero?Now the T-shirts, they would say, "Leo Dooley's bionic army." Get it? Army. 'Cause I have a bionic arm.

Troy: I hope so. Hey, I've been training really hard. Check this out. It's one of Chase's abilities.

Chase: What was that?

Troy: It was your bionic eye scan. Hey, don't worry. Once they add some special effects, it'll look really cool.

Chase: No, it won't, 'cause you're doing it wrong. It goes like this.

Troy: Oh, thanks, man. Yeah, no, I totally get how that's different.

Bree: Okay, so now who's helping out with the cheesy movie?

Chase: I am not helping, I am critiquing his mediocre performance.


Leo: Now the T-shirts, they would say 'Leo Dooley's bionic army'. Get it? Army because I have a bionic arm?

Douglas: Leo, would you please give this lovely woman her space?

Leo: If you need someone to write me into the script, I am your man, I'm a born typist. Best hunt and pecker in the business. Thirteen words a minute. I also direct.

Douglas: That kid. He would do anything to impress you. You know, Giselle, it's too bad that you couldn't see all the other brilliant things that I created outside of here. You could make a whole movie just about Marcus.

Giselle: Marcus.

Douglas: My greatest invention. An advanced android with all of Adam, Bree, and Chase's bionic abilities. Believe it or not, he was even more powerful then they are.

Giselle: Well where is he? I'd love to see him.

Douglas: You can see parts of him. They're buried in a huge pile of rubble in my old lair.

Giselle: I'm sorry. Your lair?

Douglas: Yeah. Technically, it's a suburban basement, but by law, you have to call it a lair if you use it to torture people.


Troy: That is so cool.

Bree: Well if you like that ability, you're really gonna' like my...... Invisibility App.

Troy: No way. How did you do that?

Bree: It's not...... that...... hard.

Troy: Awesome. Uh... Thanks for helping me out.

Bree: Sure.

Troy: I just wish Chase was as open about your abilities as you are.

Bree: Don't take it personally, he's just really protective of his image.

Troy: He does know that on the fan boards, they call him the Bionic Fun Killer.

Bree: Yeah, but to be fair, most of these posts were from me.

Troy: The thing is...... I'm running out of time. I have to figure 'em out. If I don't, Giselle might fire me...... And I don't wanna' lose this role.

Bree: Maybe I can help, what do you need?

Troy: I don't know, stuff like uh...... how his chip was designed and where his super intelligence comes from. All the things that make him the smartest person in the world.

Bree: Sorry, but I know what makes him the most annoying person in the world. Hey, I mean if all you need is a bionic owners manual, we can access Mr. Davenport's files from here.

Troy: Really? Uh... yeah, that would be great.

Bree: I mean, it's just some boring schematics and formulas but...... here you go. Everything you need to know about Chase's chip.

Troy: Thanks Bree.

Bree: You're pretty.

Troy: I know.

Bree: So uh... now that we're done working, do you want to go to the pool?

Troy: Sure, lemme' just go and change.

Bree: Don't be too long...... I mean....... take your time. I'm not desperate!


Troy: Mission accomplished. Here it is.

Giselle: Perfect. Now we can finally take them out and rid the world of bionic humans forever.


Giselle: I'm so glad you guys can come by the stage and watch us film.

Douglas: Just so you know...... I tried keeping the hair flat but it won't stay that way.

Giselle: And this is our Hollywood version of the Bionic Academy.

Leo: Looks awesome.

Chase: No, it doesn't. The walls look fake, the floor looks fake, nothing in here looks like the real academy!

Bree: But your complaining is very authentic.

Giselle: Ugh, I gotta' take this call for my other movie Killer Zombie Orthodontist.

Leo: Orthodontist?

Giselle: Yeah, I know...... we're pretty much out of ideas.

Bree: Hey Troy.

Troy: Oh, hey.

Bree: Hey, Uh... so... what happened? You said that you'd meet me at the pool but then...... you left me out there without saying goodbye.

Troy: What can I say? I'm not much of a water person.

Giselle: Great news... since you were also helpful, I'm putting you in the scene that we're about to shoot.

Bree: You want us to be in the movie?

Giselle: Yup. But instead of playing bionic heroes, you get to play the bad guys. What do you think?

Leo: I think Leo Dooley better have a line.

Chase: We're going to be in the movie, we're going to be in the movie, we're going to be in the movie!

Douglas: Oh, so now you're on board.

Chase: Hey, Troy starring in a bionic movie...... Lame...... Me...... Starring in a bionic movie, awesome!

Giselle: Great! So then it's all settled... uh, any questions?

Adam: Just One. What time would this be on tonight?


Chase: This is so cool. I finally get to play a bad guy. Chase Davenport, international bad boy...

Leo: Settle down bad boy, your mascara's running.

Bree: I don't get it. Troy wouldn't even talk to me, it's so weird.

Adam: Not really. Boys blow you off all the time.

Bree: What if he's got another girl on set?

Douglas: So what? You just met the guy.

Bree: We had a connection! I'm not crazy! Okay, all I'm saying is that if he is seeing someone else, I need to know about it so I can go sabotage it!

Douglas: Girls. Always going to that desperate place. I hope Giselle's not seeing someone else.


Bree: Troy? Self-absorbed much? Wow... Even his pictures smell good. Aha, let's go see who Mr. Popular is getting messages from.

Giselle: This won't take long.

Troy: Hurry up. I gotta' be on set.

Giselle: This is what I wanted to show you. I finally finished analyzing Chase's chip schematics.

Troy: Then we're good.

Giselle: As soon as they're ready to film, we'll do it.

Troy: Oh, my pictures! Help me!

Giselle: Come on, let's get outta here.

Troy: I think I need more pictures of me.


Giselle: Okay. Everybody, we're about to start filming. Positions please.

Troy: Where's Bree?

Giselle: We'll take care of her later. Just make sure you use the real weapon on them.

Troy: My pleasure.

Giselle: Okay, just like we rehearsed. Douglas, you and the kids will say your lines, then Troy will shoot you. Lights. Camera. Action!

Douglas: Any sign of the bionic superhuman?

Chase: I think we lost him!

Adam: Told you...... we'd get away with it.

Leo: Great work! Everyone.

Troy: I agree. Thanks for making it so easy.

Douglas: No! What are you doing?

Chase: You just ruined the scene!

Leo: And my take was perfect.

Bree: This is all a trap! Giselle lured us here so that Troy could take us out with this.

Chase: Bree, that's just a prop.

Bree: Really?

Leo: Woah, what just happened?

Adam: Wait! I'm lost. Are we still doing the scene?

Bree: No! This isn't even a real movie!

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