This is a transcript of the episode Hole In One. It's still under construction.


Donald: Hey, guys, check this out. I picked this up at auction today, and it only cost me a million dollars.

Adam: Wha--? For a sheet? Boy, I guess I'd better start saving up if I'm gonna be a ghost for halloween.

Donald: It's a painting, Adam, by a very famous artist named Von Schtopp.

Leo: Hm. I wish I would have been there to "Von Schtopp" you from buying it.

Adam: What is it?

Donald: It's abstract art, Adam. It's whatever you think it is.

Bree: I think it's a crying woman.

Chase: I think it's a storm at sea.

Leo: I think someone just blew a million bucks.

( musical ringtone plays )

Donald: That's me. Davenport Industries. Hello? Uh-huh. Oh, boy. All right. Looks like I've got to put out a fire at work.

Chase: What happened?

Donald: Betty from accounting got her head caught in the positron collider again.

Leo: Ohh!

Donald: That's gonna be messy. Can you guys put that in the art vault for me?

Leo: Wait, you have an art vault?

Donald: When are you guys gonna learn? I have a everything. ( chuckles ) But whatever you do, do not touch the Davenportraits.

Leo: What's a Davenportrait?

. . .

Leo: Am I screaming out loud or just inside my head?

Chase: I'm just gonna say it: Davenport is one weird dude.

Adam: Ah. Voila. The Van Schto--

Bree: Ew, gross, gross, gross...!

Leo: Turn around! Not on me!

Adam: Ah-choo! Whoa.

Chase: Adam, what did you do?

Adam: Oh, I think that sneeze accidently triggered my heat vision!

Leo: Big D is going to freak out!

Chase: Let's not panic. This hole is barely noticeable.

Adam: Ah-choo!

Chase: That, however, is incredibly noticeable!

Leo: Adam, if you're going to destroy paintings, do it to those!

. . .

Chase: Adam, I cannot believe you just destroyed Mr. Davenport's million-dollar painting!

Bree: Mr. Davenport's gonna kill us when he sees what happened.

Adam: Okay, well, maybe he won't notice if we fill the room with things that look much more hideous.

Bree: More hideous? Have you seen the Daven Lisa?

( ding )

Leo: Hey. Big D. What are you doing back?

Donald: Uh, I forgot something. I forgot that I left my million-dollar painting in the hands of the four most destructive teenagers in the world! Please tell me it's okay.

Chase: It's fine.

Bree: Looks great.

Adam: It's fine. Great.

Leo: Hey, wait. Hey. We've already seen this one, and it's boring. I would like to know more about this beautiful... what are we looking at?

Donald: Yeah, I remember posing for that one. You know it took us hours to get the fruit positioned just right?

Leo: Well, you've just killed apples for me.

Donald: I was gonna be the big banana, but I thought that'd be a little too much.

( nonsensical sound )

Chase: Don't do that!

Donald: Why not?

Chase: Because. B-Because I... have an idea. You should pose for a Daven-Sculpture.

Donald: Daven-Sculpture! Yes! Chase, your brilliance is only matched by your good taste. I'm gonna get to work on that right away. Oh! Get ready, guys, for six feet of stone-cold me!

Bree: Six feet?

Donald: There's a pedestal!

. . .

Chase: Okay, Mr. Davenport's gonna be at the sculptor's studio for a few more hours. They're only up to his knees.

Bree: How do you know that?

Chase: Because he's giving me a photo play-by-play.

( all reacting )

Leo: Okay, there's got to be some way to fix this painting.

Chase: I know. We can make a replica. I can pull an image of the painting from my internal hard drive and project it onto a blank canvas. Then we can trace it and paint over it.

Leo: That'll never work. We can't paint that fast.

( clears throat loudly )

Adam: Hey, do you mind? We're trying to think over here.

Bree: I can paint that fast.

Adam: Good for you. Quit bragging and help us come up with a solution.

. . .

Chase: All right, here we go. All right, Bree, do your thing.

Bree: Done and done. What do you think?

Chase: It's perfect.

Leo: Can't tell the difference.

Adam: Still ugly.

Chase: All right, well, we don't have much time. We'll go hang the replica. Adam, you take care of the original.

Adam: What? What am I supposed to do with it?

Chase: Hide it someplace that Mr. Davenport will never find it. Make it disappear!

Adam: Okay, but I'm gonna need a magic wand and a volunteer from the audience. How 'bout you, young lady?

Bree: Just go.

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