Prank You Very Much/Transcript

This is a complete transcript of the episode Prank You Very Much.

Transript

(in the lab)

Leo: Hey! Hey, what are you doing? You know you're not supposed to be alone around anything with buttons!

Adam: I'm pranking Chase for April Fools.

Leo: It's November.

Adam: Yeah, exactly. April's when people expect to be pranked. But if I do it today, whammo! It's like a baby with a mustache. You don't see it coming.

Leo: So what's the prank?

Adam: Uh, I rigged Chase's capsule so when he steps in, he'll be showered by 50 gallons of expired milk! Ha! Oh, 49 gallons. I needed something for my cereal.

Leo: Ugh. Where did you get 50 gallons of expired milk?

Adam: Oh. It doesn't come that way. You have to buy 50 gallons of milk and wait. (lab doors open) Oh, here he comes! Act cool.

(Bree walks in)

Leo: I don't need to act. It's in my blood, baby.

Bree: Let me guess...pranking Chase again?

Adam: No...(laughs) yeah...

Bree: Adam, you're so immature.

Adam: Eh, I've been called worse.

Bree: All right, well, I'm going to bed. Wake me up when I'm old enough to move out.

(Bree steps in her capsule and closes the door, only to be showered with milk)

Adam: Oh, Chase's capsule is the one in the middle!

(theme song plays)

...

(in the lab)

(Leo sprays Bree with a cleaning agent and Adam wipes down Bree's capsule. Chase walks in)

Chase: Rigged the wrong capsule again, Adam?

Adam: Mmm...maybe.

(Donald and Tasha walk in)

Donald: What happened in here? And why does my lab smell like a locker room in a gym that only cows go to?

Tasha: Ah, honey, who did this to you?

Bree: Who do you think? (points at Adam)

Adam: Wow. Ruining pranks and blaming others. Not making any friends today, are you, Bree?

Tasha: Grandma Rose is visiting tomorrow and I want this behavior to stop. You three go get the cleaning supplies. Now.

(Adam, Chase, and Leo leave)

Bree: I'm so sick of getting caught in their crossfire. Last week, Chase was pranking Adam, and I ended up in a pet store window!

Donald: (laughs) That's funny! I'm sorry. Look, I will talk to them, I will lay down the law.

Tasha: Thank you. (leaves)

Donald: Look, don't tell Tasha I told you this, but the only way you're gonna get them to stop, is to fight fire with fire. You have to prank them, and you have to prank them hard.

Bree: Do you really think that'll work?

Donald: Oh, definitely. Although I would act fast because I know for a fact that Adam has a barrel full of expired meat that he's dying to use.

...

(in the living room)

(Leo and Janelle are watching a movie, while Leo stares at her intently)

Leo: So, Janelle, you know what day it is?

Janelle: No, but please stop the best part of the movie and tell me.

Leo: (pauses movie) It's our anniversary! Yeah! (throws confetti) It's been 150 days since you first spoke to me. I believe the words were, "This isn't the mens room."

Janelle: Next thing I said was, "No, seriously. Get out."

(Rose knocks and enters the house)

Rose: Hello?

Leo: Grandma!

Rose: Hey, there's my little boy! (hugs Leo) Oh, let me grab that face! Let me just grab it! Oh, you so handsome!! (pinches Leo's cheeks)

Leo: Easy on the face. That's my money. Grandma...

Rose: Mm-hmm?

Leo: This is Janelle. She's kind of the special lady in my life.

Janelle: Slow down, cowboy. It's only been 150 days.

Rose: So... your special lady, huh? Well, I guess since she's so...special, I should probably get to know this... Janelle.

Janelle: I look forward to getting to know you too, Mrs...Uh, sorry, what should I call you?

Rose: Let's start with ma'am and just leave it there. So, Chantelle...

Janelle: It's Janelle.

Rose: Whatever.

Leo: You know, Janelle and I were actually in the middle of watching a movie.

Rose: Yeah? Well, I'm here now. (switches off TV and looks closely at Janelle) Are you wearing lipstick?

Janelle: It's lip gloss.

Rose: See that? Right there, you're looking for trouble. Mm-hmm. (wipes lip gloss off Janelle's lips with tissue.)

Leo: Well, at least she didn't spit on it first.

(Rose spits on the tissue and continues to wipe Janelle's mouth)

...

(in the lab)

(Bree is on the floor setting up a prank when Adam and Chase walk in)

Bree: Oh, uh, hey, guys. What are you up to?

Adam: Six feet, two inches. Oh, Chase, you don't have to answer. I know growing's been a lifelong struggle for you.

Chase: Wait a second. Whoopie cushion. Bucket of ice water, greased floor. Nope. Nothing suspicious here.

Adam: Seriously, do you think I was born tomorrow?

Bree: Ugh! I hate you guys. But I'm so gonna get you back.

Chase: Oh, please, by all means, keep trying. Your failure is adorable.

(Chase's phone makes an alarm noise)

Chase: Uh-oh! Urgent mission alert! There's a leaked lethal virus in Denver! Bree, you have to super speed there ahead of us or we'll be too late!

Bree: On it!

(Bree starts to super speed away, but slips on the greased floor and falls to the ground)

Adam: Ohh!

Chase: Ha! I set up a fake mission alert! I'd knew you'd fall for it.

Adam: Good one. Now stop messing around. We gotta get to Denver!

(Adam runs out of the room)

Chase: Face it, Bree. You'll never outwit the masters.

(Chase leaves and Donald walks in)

Donald: So you tried to prank the boys, and it blew up in your face.

Bree: Is it that obvious?

Donald: No, I was watching from upstairs. Man, you really ate it!

Bree: Well, yeah, it's just not in my nature to be stupid and immature.

Donald: Well, good thing it's in mine. I'm gonna help you out because when it comes to pranks, I am the undisputed champ.

Bree: Help me out? Is that your nice way of saying you're gonna do the whole thing by yourself while I sit there and watch?

Donald: No, I wasn't trying to be nice. You're really terrible at this.

...

(in the main school hallway)

Leo: So... what did you think of my grandma?

Janelle: What do you think of your grandma?

Leo: Okay, look, I know she can be a bit... overprotective, but don't worry. I think we're through the worst of it.

Rose: (yelling offscreen) Leo! Leo Dooley! (enters the school.) Excuse me, I'm lookin' for Leo Dooley. Middle name Francis. Anybody here know Leo Francis Dooley? Late bloomer? Short for his age? Doesn't know how to write a thank-you card when he gets a $5 bill on his birthday?

Leo: Easily embarrassed? Horrified by relatives? Needs a hiding place? (hides below the bench.)

Rose: (spots him) Oh, Leo, there's my precious angel boy. Get up from there. You don't know where that floor has been, boy! (to Janelle) Oh. I see you dress inappropriately at school, too.

Leo: Grandma, what are you doing here?

Rose: Well, Little Miss Lip Gloss left her phone at our house. And what's with all your texting? I tell you, Leo, that is no way for a lady to communicate. Now, in my day we wrote a letter and waited. If we didn't hear back, we knew they either didn't like us or they were dead.

Janelle: You went through my phone?

Rose: Don't take that tone with me. It's a honest mistake. Your phone looks exactly like mine. (holds up old-fashioned phone) I never saw so many smiley faces in my life. What's she so happy about?

Leo: Thank you so much, Grandma, for stopping by. You can go now.

Rose: No, no! They're holding a table for us at Madam Ladyfingers' House of Tea! And I'm not going without my favorite tea partner!

Janelle: Leo, I think you kinda have to make a choice here.

Leo: I'm sorry, I have to. She's my nana.

Rose: Let's go, Leo.

(Leo and Rose start to walk away)

Leo: I'll call you later, Janelle.

Rose: Not on her phone, you won't. I took the battery out. (throws Janelle's phone in the trash bin and cackles)

...

(in the living room)

Donald: Great! This is gonna be great! I hid a high-powered airbag inside the couch cushion. As soon as Adam and Chase sit down for their after-school video games, boom! They're gonna be airborne!

Bree: Wait, isn't this dangerous? Please say yes!

Donald: This is going to be the greatest prank ever!

(Adam and Chase walk in)

Adam: Whoa, prank? What prank?

Donald: No, not prank. I didn't say prank. I was talking about my friend Frank, actually. You've never met him. Big guy. German. Enormous toes.

Chase: Oh, please, give us a break. We know you're trying to help Bree get back at us, and it's not gonna work.

Adam: Wait, if his toes are that big, I really need to meet him.

Donald: (whispers to Bree) Abort prank! Abort prank!

Chase: Just 'cause you say it out of the side of your mouth does not mean we can't hear you.

(outside the front door)

Rose: Leo, honey, what's wrong? You barely touched your tea, and this is the first time you refused to wear the matching hat.

Leo: I'm sorry, Grandma. I just feel bad about blowing out Janelle.

(Leo and Rose walk into the living room)

Rose: Are you saying that you would rather spend time with her than me?

Leo: No, you said it. But yes.

Rose: (puts hand to chest dramatically) Oh, this could be the big one. I need to sit down.

Donald: Wait, no!

(Rose sits on the couch, but is immediately flung up in the air, and falls to the ground)

Donald: Rose, are you okay?

Rose: (angrily) Do I look like I'm okay?

...

(in the living room)

(Rose has crutches and Tasha is helping her walk inside)

Leo: Grandma!

Rose: Oh, hey, sugar, I'm okay. (hugs him)

Donald: Rose.

(Rose hits Donald with her crutches)

Rose: Get away from me! Can't you see I'm in pain?

Tasha: We're lucky it was just a sprained ankle. You two are in big trouble! An airbag in my sofa?

Chase: It wasn't us!

Donald: (stepping back and whispering) Don't do it, don't do it...

Adam: It was Mr. Davenport!

Donald: Gah!!

Tasha: Donald, is that true?

Donald: (stammering) Look, what happened was... it... there comes a moment... it... it... it was all Bree!

Bree: Excuse me?

Tasha: What happened? You said you were going to lay down the law. You lied to me.

Adam: Oh, he lies to you about a lot.

Donald: I was just trying to teach them a lesson.

Tasha: What lesson?

Donald: Umm... the principles of flight?

Tasha: Well... since Grandma won't be able to get around for 2 weeks, you're gonna be waiting on her. Hand and foot.

Donald: What?

Rose: Yep. That hand, this foot. Now prop me up with that pillow. (Donald hesitates) Today!! Come on! Gimme that blanket. Where's my soup?

Leo: Yeah, where's her soup? I'm sorry, I just got carried away. I'm having way too much fun with this.

...

(in the living room)

(Rose rings her bell repeatedly until Donald comes down the stairs and stops her)

Donald: Yes, Rose?

Rose: Turn the TV on.

Donald: (through gritted teeth) There is a remote right beside you.

Rose: Tasha!

Donald: No, no, no! Don't call Tasha. I got it, I got it. (switches on TV) There you go.

Rose: Well, how am I supposed to hear that?

(Donald turns up the volume)

Rose: Well, now it's too loud.

(Donald turns down the volume and Bree walks in)

Bree: (chuckles) So, how's Grandma's little helper?

Donald: (through gritted teeth) I cannot take this. I have got to figure a way to get her out of the house, to get her mobile!

Bree: Have you considered a catapult?

Donald: Don't be ridiculous. There is no way the arc would get her out the front door. Wait! I have a better idea. I just need time to build it.

(Rose rings her bell across the room)

Rose: Nap time!

Donald: Perfect!

Rose: Well, don't just stand there. Get over here and watch me sleep.

...

(in the main school hallway)

Leo: Janelle! Look, I know you're mad about me ditching you, but I have great news. My nana's badly hurt!

Janelle: How is that great news?

Leo: What I mean is, she can't bother us anymore! No more tea dates. From here on out, I am all yours.

Rose: (offscreen) Out of my way! You better run! (wheels into the school) Coming through! (pulls up to Leo and Janelle) Look what Donald jimmied up for me so I wouldn't be stuck on the couch all day. Isn't is wonderful?

Leo: It's something.

Rose: I get to spend all day with you while my ankle heals. It even has a programmable "GBF."

Janelle: Oh, I think you mean "GPS."

Rose: Are you correcting me?

Janelle: No. No, ma'am. You are right and I am always wrong.

Rose: My point is, I can go anywhere. Watch this.

(Rose bumps Janelle with her electric scooter, making her drop her books and bump into a group of people near her)

Janelle: Sorry.

Rose: Ohhh! Oh, my bad. Oh, you poor thing. Did I run over you? (starts following Janelle) Oh, you know, I just can't figure how to work this thing out. I'm just a confused old lady! (puts on a menacing face and chases Janelle)

Janelle: (trying not to be run over) Okay. Okay.

(Janelle runs out the door and Rose follows her)

Rose: Okay, baby, I'll come back and pick you up!

...

(in the living room)

(Adam and Chase are playing video games on the couch when Bree walks in)

Adam: Oh, hey, Bree, could you grab me a water? I'm trying to beat Chase's high score, and if I stop, his cyborg will melt me, and if that happens, a nuclonium bomb will go off, and if that happens--

Bree: I will get your water! Just stop talking!

(Bree walks over to the kitchen and Adam and Chase smirk at each other. Tasha walks in)

Tasha: Hey, guys. What do you want for dinner?

Chase: No! Don't open the--

(Tasha opens the fridge and is showered with ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise)

Chase: ...Fridge. Would it help at all if we said that was supposed to be Bree's face?

Adam: But it looks just as good on you.

Tasha: I don't care who the prank was for. Go get something to clean this mess up! Now!

(Adam and Chase leave)

Tasha: Those boys never learn their lesson, and someone else always ends up paying for it.

Bree: Welcome to my world.

Tasha: No. I think it is time to welcome them to my world.

Bree: Right. (pauses) What does that mean?

Tasha: It means...nobody makes me a human hot dog.

Bree: Right. (pauses) What does that mean?

(Donald walks in)

Donald: Hey, look who's trying to cook again.

...

(in the school main hallway)

Leo: All right, so, I ditched my Grandma at the football game. We have about five minutes of alone time before she finds me.

Janelle: Leo, you have to do something about this.

Leo: Well, I tried losing her in the marching band, but she just rolled over the tuba player and kept going.

Janelle: So what are we gonna do?

Leo: Don't worry, I have a plan. You distract her while I program her GPS to take her home.

Rose: (offscreen) Woo-hoo! (rolls into the hallway with a football) Ah. I don't know what just happened but somebody gave me a game ball!

Janelle: Uh, Grandma Rose, I wanted to show you something.

(Leo sneaks behind Rose's scooter and starts programming the GPS)

Janelle: What do you think of my new eyeliner? It's got glitter in it, see?

Rose: (gasps) Glitter? Girl, that's the devil's paint. Why would you want to run around here looking like a circus clown? Respect your face!

(Leo finished programming the GPS and the scooter starts moving on its own)

Rose: Wait a minute. What-- What's going on here? Wait a minute! It's moving all by itself! (rolls out of the school)

(a crash is heard offscreen and tuba blares)

Leo: Two tuba players in one day. What are the odds?

...

(in the living room)

Adam: Oh, so I tracked down Davenport's friend Frank. His toes aren't that big, but his forehead's huge.

(Adam and Chase laugh and Bree and Tasha walk in holding a plate of cookies)

Tasha: Oh, hello, boys. Bree and I decided to make you some homemade cookies.

Bree: They're fresh out of the oven.

Adam: Hmm. Fresh, stale, hot, cold, just put it in my mouth.

(Adam walks over to grab one, but Chase stops him)

Chase: Since when has Bree ever made us cookies?

Adam: (gasps) You're right. Thanks a lot. Bree. So kind of you.

(Adam reaches out but Chase stops him again and scans the cookies with his bionic eye)

Chase: Just as I suspected. Not only were those cookies made with salt instead of sugar, but those chocolate chips aren't chocolate.

Adam: So...caramel?

Chase: No. You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that, Bree.

Bree: Ugh. Busted again. I give up.

(Adam and Chase walk over to the couch)

Chase: What an amateur. To think that we would fall for that.

(Adam and Chase grab their video game controllers, only to have them stuck to their hands)

Chase: Hey, what's the deal?

Adam: Yeah, I'm stuck. Really, Bree? This is your prank? Glue on the hands?

Chase: Oh, no, I guess we'll have to play more video games.

Bree: It's gonna be kinda hard to do that from up there.

Chase: Up where?

(Bree presses a button on a remote and Adam and Chase are lifted by their controllers into the air)

Adam & Chase: Whoa!

Bree: Up there. Your controllers are made of metallic components, so all we had to do was find a powerful magnet.

Tasha: Good thing I married a guy with five floors of expensive techno-junk.

Chase: Okay. All right. You finally got us. Good job, Bree.

Tasha: Oh, no, that was not Bree's prank. It was mine.

Adam: Well, that makes sense, since it actually worked.

Chase: Look, whoever's prank it was, can you just put us down?

Bree: Okay. I'll let you down.

(Bree super speeds out of the room and brings back a kiddie pool of expired milk. Adam and Chase groan)

Bree: Right down into a pool of your expired milk.

(Bree presses a button on the remote, and Adam and Chase fall into the pool of milk)

Chase: Ohh, it's disgusting!

Adam: Ah. And much chunkier than I remember.

Bree: Yeah. That's 'cause I found your barrel of expired meat.

Adam: Oh! I was saving that!

...

(in the lab)

Donald: Hey, Leo, where's your grandmother? She wants me to attach a sidecar to her scooter. And, yes, it's for you.

Leo: Wait, she isn't back yet? I programmed the GPS on her scooter to bring her back hours ago.

Donald: You what? Ah, who am I kidding? I'd have ditched her too. Um, okay, let me track her.

(Donald pulls up a map on the console)

Donald: You did set "home" to our address in Mission Creek, right?

Leo: Yeah.

Donald: Well, you only made one mistake. She's on her way to Mission Creek, Illinois!

Both: Oh, boy.

...

(on the highway)

(Rose is on her electric scooter in front of a truck)

Rose: (truck horn blares) Hey, get off me! I'm going as fast as I can! (horn blares) Go around! I've had my blinker on for 165 miles! (horn blares) You know what? You gonna' run out of gas pretty soon, and when you do, Grandma's gonna be right there!

...

(in the living room)

(Adam turns the magnet on and watches two forks go flying up)

Adam: Whoa! Not bad.

(Adam grabs a toaster and it goes flying up)

Adam: Whoa-ho! Better!

(Leo walks in with Donald, who is wheeling Rose is a wheelchair)

Leo: Grandma, I'm really sorry about this.

Rose: "Sorry" doesn't begin to excuse what you did. Do you know how many flies I got in my dentures?

Donald: Well, maybe if you kept your mouth closed once in a while--

(Rose turns around in the chair and gives him a death glare)

Donald: I'm really sorry, too.

Rose: Hmm.

(Adam walks back into the living room holding more metal objects. Donald wheels Rose under the magnet and she goes flying up)

Adam: Whoa-ho!! We have a winner!

Rose: Get. Me. Down!